One Year Ago...The Waiting Period

Shortly after our waiting period began, my sister "Aunt Susie" arrived to join us. When we first considered adoption we thought we might have to do two trips, which would be difficult with Jon's job, so Susie was going to do one of the trips with me. After we switched to Ukraine, she decided to come anyway. We were looking forward to having someone else to talk to and hang out with. Our apartment had two bedrooms so there was plenty of space. We had to have our driver Vlad take us to Dnipropetrosvk (closest big city) to pick her up at the train station late one night. She likes to shop, so we had a renewed interest in going to all the stores. Deanna took to her quickly, and it gave someone else to try to entertain her on our boring visits in the coat room.
Jon had met an old man outside our building who spoke limited English. He said his wife taught English, and eventually arrainged for us to visit. The three of us went over there for a visit, that turned out to be a full dinner. Their apartment was directly under ours, the same layout but had much older decor. The wife was an elementary school teacher, and taught English to the students. She really wanted the opportunity to practice her English and particularly interested in "American" English and American culture. Their two daughters and two grandchildren were there also. We were served a variety of things such as liver, sardines, fried potatoes and onions, caviar, vodka and congnac. The old man gave us some old Soviet coins and showed us his old Soviet guns! They told us a lot about their life. The salaries are very low, and it is very hard for people to be able to afford their own apartment. Most of the apartments are owned, rather than rented. They had helped buy each of their daughters their own apartments. The wife and one of the daughters are teachers. School is all day long till about 6:00. Even kindergarten. The grandson is 5, but does not yet go to school. They said "he is too naughty for the kindergarten!" They made statements about boys being more "clever" than girls. To them, clever just means smart. We told them about our adoption and while they thought is was a wonderful thing, they clearly didn't understand why we would be doing this. They asked us many questions about living in America. They asked us if it was like "Sex in the Big City" which they watch in dubbed in CD! We showed them our picture book from home and they couldn't believe just one family lived in our house. They were very gracious and we had a great time.
Another night one of the daughters had us over for dinner. She had a very nice little place in the building next door. She generously served us dinner, consisting of many salads. Her son was there but did not eat with us. He seemed to only eat candy, perhaps this is why he is too naughty for the kindergarten!

One Year Ago Today, A Day in Court

Finally we were set for our day in court. Now she would finally be ours and we could officially start our 10 day waiting period. Yana arrived in town very early in the morning. I brought a dress to wear and wore my new boots with it, very Ukranian and Yana approved. Jon drug a suit along for this occasion. Yana had all the details arrainged with rides to the courthouse for us and for the orphanage officials who were testifying at the hearing. Yana went over some questions we would likely be asked and made sure our answers were short and to the point. We weren't too nervous because we hadn't heard of anyone being refused by the time they made it to court. We had to wait for a while in a hallway before going into the court room. It was small and similar to a typical American hearing room. There was a judge, a "prosecutor", and some witnesses. The entire procedure was in Ukranian and Yana sat next to us and translated everything. At this time they just started tape recording the court proceedings so the judge read through every single document in our dossier. It was very long, a couple of hours. The judge looked at our family picture book that we brought, and he commented that Deanna looked like our family. They had a short recess and then came back into the room. He said a few things in Ukranian and then left the room. We said "what happened?" and Yana said that he granted our petition and it was over. Several of the people in the court room came over and congratulated us. They now seemed much friendlier! After this experience we went out for a celebratory lunch with Yana. We went to an interesting little restaurant and we were the only ones there. We had good food, and of course Vodka! The waitress took our picture in front of the fireplace, and insisted we crouch down in front of it (see odd picture). It was such a relief to finally begin the waiting period. Even though she was officially ours, we still didn't have possession.

One Year Ago, Daily Routine

Once Roman was gone we were left fend for ourselves. We felt prepared for survival but it is very strange to have NO ONE else to communicate with. They had given us a cell phone to use and we could call Yana anytime we needed help or a translator. When talking to Yana on the phone she always said "hows the girl" in her Russian accent. We still use this phrase when talking about DeAnna. Jeremy and Jordan could call us on this cell phone at no charge to us. I got them an international cell phone package before we left so the calls were fairly inexpensive. Talking to them frequently really ended up saving my sanity.
Visits to the orphanage were the highlights of our day, but actually became somewhat boring for all. The orphanage rules were very rigid. We had to hand over our passports every time we visited! Like we'd try to kidnap her and hide out in Dniprodzerzinsk?? We could visit in the morning from 10-12 and in the afternoon from 4-6. Sometimes they would cut the visits short with no notice. One time a large woman came out on the playground scooped her up, yelled something at us in Russian and went back in the building with her. We looked at each other... I guess the visit is over! In the morning visit we would trek through the snow and ice to the orphanage. It took about 20 minutes. We would stop at the store on the way and get her a healthy snack. We could play with DeAnna outside in the morning as her group was out marching around. We would take her to another part of the play yard as we weren't supposed to interact with her group and heaven forbid never go outside of the gates. She liked to lead us around and show us off to everyone. One time we were spotted giving her juice outside which we found out was a no no. Apparently drinking something cold outside will make you sick! After our morning visit we would walk back to town. Usually we would do some shopping and get some groceries. If you bought too many groceries at once they clerks got irritated. We would then have lunch and hang around the apartment playing games or watching British TV. There was also laundry to do, and the typical Ukrainian washing machine cycle is about 2 hours, no exaggeration, then 24 hours on the line before it was done. Soon it was time to get ready for the afternoon visit and snack. Vlad picked us up everyday like clockwork. In the afternoon we had all of our visits in the coat room, on the floor. There was no furniture and no toys! We brought books, toys and treats, but after a little while she would be getting into mischief. This was a very uncomfortable situation. Clearly they were in charge of her, and she minded them perfectly. She was constantly pushing her limits with us though (in a very charming way). If she was naughty they might think we couldn't handle her and if we upset her they might think we are mean! In the next room all the kids were having free time with a lot of toys and a big screen TV. By the end of the 2 hours sitting on the floor in the cloak room we would all be bored and frustrated. Soon we shortened this evening visit to 1 hour and it was much better for all. Vlad would pick us up for the ride back to the apartment. Sometimes we would have him drop us off at a restaurant, but this was a challenge since he spoke zero English. We usually ate out once a day, either lunch or dinner. Then it was back to the apartment for more BBC or one of the movies we brought. We often went to the Internet cafe down the street to blog and email. So this was it, day after day. Cold, depressing town, so far away from home, nothing else to do, no friendly faces, no one to communicate with, no end in sight. I remember thinking, if I could leave RIGHT NOW I am so far away I would have to take an overnight train to Kiev, get to the airport, buy tickets and fly for 20+ hours to be home. I can't even wait that long, how can I possibly make it 3 more weeks??????

Year Ago, Eating Out

**These One Year Ago posts are a journal of our experiences not before posted, to preserve our memories. May be long and boring to some!

When we were first settling in, we had Roman to help us out. Roman is fluent in Ukrainian so he was able to help us acclimate to the city and find a few restaurants to become familiar with.

We found a little bakery that had great little rolls filled with everything from meat and cheese to fruit. Everything was freshly baked every day and you never knew what varieties they would have available. When Roman was with us there was no problem ordering but when we were alone, as hard as we tried, they never seemed to understand us, and weren't too friendly. We would end up pointing to a few different varieties and holding up 1 or 2 fingers. It was always an adventure, am I biting into apples, cherries, or liver? We called this place the point and grunt shop.

We also found a pizza place that was quite good, called the Pizza Potato. As well as pizza, they had many freshly made salads. No English was spoken here but they were friendly and helpful. Internet was available at this place, but you had to pay by the hour. The connection was so slow it was hard to get much done.

Our favorite place for dinner was a little cafe just across the main street from our apartment. If you didn't know it was there you would never find it. They actually had an English menu! However, you had to ask for it and it only had a few items where the Ukrainian menu had many pages. They had a "salad" that was a whole plate of sliced fresh vegetables. I got this with dinner every time. We loved the BBQ'd chicken. It was a breast with a little wing sticking up, grilled in some way, but the flavor was delicious. I have never tasted chicken this good, some kind of a fresh, salty, buttery taste. They also had a baked chicken dish that was wonderful. It consisted of caramelized onions, some veggies, chicken, and a creamy cheesy sauce over the top. When you ordered this it took a very, very long time to get. The rest of the party could be completely done eating before this order arrived! In Ukrainian restaurants, food arrives when it is ready so you wait for no one! We had a nice waitress that I nicknamed Snow White, and a not so nice one that I called The Vixen. The only downside to this place was the bill seemed to be a lot more when Yana or Roman weren't with us (and we had The Vixen). We still miss this place a year later!

One Year Ago, Settling in

Once we knew we were staying in Dniprodzherzinsk to adopt, Yana wanted to find us other places to stay. I was happy and comfortable at the hotel, but it didn't have a kitchen, laundry facility, or English TV. She said she had an apartment for us to look at. She said it was a nice, safe place with 2 bedrooms, kitchen, laundry, cable TV for $75.00 a night. Being thrifty I really just wanted to stay in the hotel. It was cheaper and I didn't plan on doing much cooking anyway. Later Yana negotiated the price of the apartment to $50.00 a night so I agreed to see it. (Jon didn't care either way). I knew it would be easier for Yana to be able to stay with us when she was in town. The apartment was very nice. New furnishings, new "European" kitchen, etc. It was on the main street in town within a couple of miles to the orphanage, and it was owned by the orphanage doctor. It had two huge entry doors, one on top of the other, with an elaborate system of locks using giant skeleton keys. We were told to never open the door for anyone. This was supposed to be a prestigious apartment, was this type of security necessary??? Anyway, sure we'd stay there, it was nice.

We packed up our stuff at the hotel and went back to move into the apartment. The doctor, Luba and her husband were there to show us around. As it turned out this actually was THEIR apartment where they lived. It seemed a bit awkward displacing them, but the salaries are so low there it would be a huge sum of money for them and they would live with their son.

They were the nicest couple we met on the whole trip. Very genuinely kind and friendly. Luba was very short and stocky with red hair, a huge smile, very talkative, and had very nice fur coats. Nikoli was tall and thin, more reserved, quiet and gentle. Neither of them spoke or understood one word of English. Luba proceeded to show us around the apartment talking a hundred miles an hour in Russian, smiling and laughing. She would point to something and say very deliberately JA- O -N, or S-H-A-L-I in a French sounding voice. There was a clothes line in the main hallway, about 12 feet above the floor and there was a step ladder to use to get the clothes up there. The kitchen had an oven, but she didn't know how to light it. The washing machine was in the bathroom and drained directly into the bath tub (we saw this everywhere). There was a nice TV with a satellite dish. Well, maybe we would get by.

Yana arranged for Luba's son Vlad, to drive us to the orphanage each day. We would walk in the morning every day and Vlad would drive us in the afternoon as it would be dark (and cold!) Vlad was a nice guy but also spoke no English. He could only say Hello and Goodbye, but he was there without fail each day to drive us to and from the orphanage. We were never sure what he did for a living but he seemed to be available all the time and had more than one cell phone. There were some very expensive cars behind our apartment building, we don't know who these people were but we called them "mafia". Weren't sure if it was a good or bad thing to share a building with "mafia"!

One Year Ago, The First Meeting

At last, we were going to the orphanage to meet the little girl. The entire town was gray and dreary. The buildings in the old Soviet style and not well kept up. Most buildings were gray, streets and sidewalks gray, sky gray. The orphanage was an institutional green color. It was surrounded by iron gates and had typical old steel playground equipment in the yard. The building itself was quite nice, and undergoing some renovation. We went into an office where the orphanage director and orphanage doctor were waiting for us. Yana, Roman (our facilitators) as well as the gold tooth lady from the inspectors office were also there. They began telling us that she was born with a cleft lip and palate and she was left at the maternity hospital after birth. She was there for three months before being transferred to the orphanage where she had been ever since. They then went on the say she has severe delays in speech as well as psychological delays. They said she may never be able to talk. Were we still interested? Of course!! We didn't come all this way to be scared off!
Suddenly she was in the room with us. Roman was saying "look at her, she's cute!" It was obvious to us in a matter of seconds that she was the one. She was very adorable, dressed in a fancy dress and new shoes (we never saw these clothes again). She made her way around the room interacting with everyone. She was so inquisitive! She came up to me, looked me straight in the eye and wanted to sit in my lap. She liked my clothes and earrings. She wasn't the least bit intimidated by Jon either. She was eager to go sit with him. We were prepared for a tough decision, and it couldn't have been easier. Our prayers were definately answered. We had an overwhelming sense of relief and happiness (actually euphoria). Everyone was all smiles, even the gold toothed lady. They continued to read her entire medical history to us and I was only half listening as we were more interested in DeAnna. We were told we would get copies of all of it later and could have it translated. (In the end we never received any of it...so I had to rely on my memory which fortunately is good, especially with medical information).
We said of course we want her, so Yana began the proceedings.
First we had to find a place to stay. At this point we had been up for about 30 hours but we kind of wired. Yana knew of a hotel in town. It was above some stores and offices, next to a grocery store on the main street in town. It had an elevator and a nice and very attractive lady at the desk who spoke a few words of English. The rooms were huge with soaring ceilings, lots of wood wardrobe closets, refrigerator, TV and enormous claw foot tub in the bathroom. It had frilly pink bedding and pink curtains on the huge windows. I really liked it and felt safe and comfortable there. It was $55 a night and I would have been happy to stay there the whole time. We got settled in and then went back to the orphanage for another short visit. This time we took pictures and played with her some more. They had to observe us with her all the time for the first weekend we were there.
Finally it was time for some food and celebration. We went to a place close to the hotel that was traditional Ukrainian cuisine, and decorated with taxidermy animals. Roman, Yana and our driver from Kiev were with us. We had lots of good food. Dinner, appetizers and vodka! I asked Yana "what do you have with your vodka" (meaning mixer), and she said slightly puzzled, cucumbers and pickles? We learned the rules of vodka, there must be a toast and everyone must have a shot! Needless to say, I had sips to everyone elses shots. I don't even remember what we had to eat, anything would have been tasted great. It was a wonderful day.
Coming up...Settling in for the long haul.

One Year Ago, Trip to Dneprodzerzhinsk

We were getting packed to leave Kiev at 2:00 am. We got no sleep at all, how do you sleep when your mind is racing and your nerves are on end. Would we know if she was the one for us? Would we be able to determine her delays considering the language barrier and her reported speech delay?
Yana, Roman and a driver were picking us up at 2:00am. How do you check out of the apartment at 2:00am?? At 1:55 the doorbell rang and there was the landlord for the money and the keys! Shortly after the van arrived for us and we were off. It was a large passenger van and Yana sat in front, Roman in the middle and Jon and I in the back seat. We all talked for a while then it was time to try to sleep. Yana was asleep right away and slept right through. Very soon we were in what looked like the middle of nowhere. It was all snow and ice and extremely bumpy. Where were the freeways?? I had a little pillow but when we went over bumps we flew off the seats and my pillow came out from under my head and Jon's head actually was hitting the ceiling. So much for sleep. We were passing what looked like farm land and many little tiny houses, for miles and miles. Many times the van would slide around on the road, while we alternated between slow and extremely fast driving. In the early morning hours when it was still dark there would be lone people walking down the road. The driver would slam on the breaks and jump out of the van and run over to these people. Was he asking for directions? Funny though, they never seemed scared or even surprised. If someone jumped out of a van in the dark and ran at me I would be terrified. We would often turn around after speaking to these people and go back the other way. Were we lost?? We seemed to be going in circles. Sometimes we would actually come to a dead end road and have to turn around. The driver spoke no English and Yana and Roman were sleeping, so we had no idea what was going on. Approximately 6 1/2 hours later we actually arrived in Dneprodzerzhinsk. It was about 9:00 in the morning and we first had to see the City Inspector to get permission to visit the orphanage. Yana had only been to this town once but she remembered how to get to the office. The Inspector was not there we would have to come back. We went to a little restaurant/bar to get some food and coffee. We were so stressed and overtired it was hard to enjoy it. We had these fried, cheese filled, dough things served with sour cream and marinara sauce. This little place was close to the orphanage so we actually ended eating here many times during our stay. This was the best place for coffee, the lattes were like home and always came with chocolate candy!
When we returned to the Inspector's office she was there. It was in an old run down looking building. When we went in she read over all our papers in great detail. She had orange hair and quite a lot of make up. She asked us many questions, including what classes our boys were taking in college! She was very stern and we really didn't care for her. At this time we thought this was just a formality, but we later learned she actually did have the power to prevent us from seeing children at the orphanage.
Yana told us the inspector would have to go with us to the orphanage. We were happy when her assistant decided to go instead. This lady was very nice, with a big smile and all gold teeth. (We would later learn this was quite common in Ukraine)
Up next......the first visit.

One Year Ago, the Mix-Up

One year ago in Kiev, the day after our SDA appointment. We were with Era taking care of some paperwork and going to a notary's office. The plan was to pick up our official referral paper from the SDA and take a van to Dneprodzerzhinsk at 2:00am for an overnight drive. We were excited, nervous, and full of hope. As we were walking around downtown Kiev with Era she began talking very fast and furiously on her cell phone, much more so than normal. I heard her day Di-ah-na, Di-ah-na, many times. I knew something was wrong. She was walking so fast we could barely keep up with her. Finally she stopped and was able to fill us in, bad news as I expected. The SDA had made a mistake and given DeAnna's file to someone else. How could this be?? We picked her first!! She was "ours"! I had a bad feeling yesterday when no one ever wrote anything down.

Era continued to make phone calls as she marched us back to the SDA. It must have been several miles and we didn't stop once, not even for cars or traffic signs. By the time we arrived she had straightened it all out and the ladies at the SDA remembered us and were nice and apologetic. Now we had paperwork in hand and were ready for the next journey.

One Year Ago, SDA Appointment

Unbelievable anxiety surrounded our appointment at the National Adoption Center. We were taken up to the "psychologist's" office and were not allowed to take anyone with us. Our facilitator told us to write down as much information as we could about the children we were interested in such as first and last name, location of orphanage , diagnosis etc. We were then to ask for 20 minutes to think about it, so she could use the information to try and find out as much information as possible before we made any decision. They were polite but not very friendly. They showed us a boy and girl sibling group and a nine year old girl. These were not right for us, and they proceeded to show us a many special needs children, and some with various severe delays. We picked out #1 (7 year old with "low IQ"), and #2 (4 year old with many delays) both girls appeared normal in their pictures. Then Jon pulled out a file and said what about this one? I was surprised he chose it because it was an infant picture of a baby with an unrepaired cleft lip. She was 4 and reported to have speech and psychological delay as well as a still unrepaired palate. We added her as #3 on our list. We asked for 20 minutes to think about our decision and they gave said we could have an hour and a half. We went downstairs and gave Era the information. She immediately started making phone calls and talking a hundred miles an hour in Ukrainian. She actually was using 3 cell phones. We went to a nearby cafe and watched in amazement as she performed many tasks simultaneously. She was able to locate the orphanages and talk to doctors and/or directors about all of the girls. #1 was said to be delayed enough to not even attend school. #2 and #3 were at the same orphanage and the orphanage doctor said she would definitely choose #3 because she was very pretty and very smart. This information was invaluable to us and we chose #3, Deanna. We went back and told them our choice. Era kept saying De-ah-na over and over again to this lady. I was a little worried about this procedure as no one wrote anything down, but all of their procedures seem odd and disorganized. We then left with some sort of relief but still a huge uncertainty of what we would find when we actually arrived at the orphanage. Remember, this would be the only chance we would have to meet a child. We just prayed our answer would be obvious to us.

One Year Ago Today, In Kiev

It was one year ago today that we left for Ukraine. Here are a couple of pictures from the apartment we stayed in. I remember every detail of this apartment very clearly. It was right in the center of Kiev, by Independence Square. It was old but very homey, warm, clean and felt safe. We were very stressed out at this time, overwhelmed with being in a foreign country and the huge uncertainty of what would happen with the adoption. It was in this apartment that we found out we would only receive one appointment at the SDA (instead of 2 or possibly 3 if necessary) to find a child. At the time couples were waiting at least 45 days for a second appointment and were being advised to just go home and wait. We knew due to expense and job obligations this would not be a possibility for us, so it was now or never, and we were at their mercy!
It was just past Christmas but the tree remained in Independence Square. We walked around this area at night and it was very beautiful. We were not brave enough to venture much further. It was easy to get turned around in the underground tunnels and reading street signs was impossible.

Speech Update

DeAnna recently had her follow-up appointment with the Speech Pathologist that specializes in cleft palate disorders. She thinks that DeAnna has made excellent progress in the last 5 months. Her palate is very functional which means no more surgeries, (on the palate that is).

I have been frustrated with the services provided by Early Childhood Intervention so I have been working with her every day at home for the last couple of months. We also found a private therapist who is very enthusiastic. She can repeat just about all words and is beginning to put together sentences of 3-5 words (and does this constantly!) She is sometimes hard to understand but getting better for sure.

Even with her limited vocabulary she can have a conversation with a complete stranger and have no trouble communicating. (Yes, we are working on stranger danger!)

All in all she has come a long way from completely nonverbal (and non-English) just last spring to understandable speech. This process has not been easy and she has and will continue to work very hard to develop the speech part of her brain. Clearly the social part of personality has overcompensated for this delay!

Happy New Year, 10 Months Home!

We had a fun filled New Years Eve at a party with our friends. There were lots of teenagers there so DeAnna was very excited, a little too much so! I forgot my camera so all I have is a picture of her morning bed head!
I am ready for the new year to get back a nice routine of school and activities.
DeAnna continues to do well and is very happy and healthy. We do have some appointments scheduled to plan her next surgery (lip scar revision) and future orthodontia work. She lost her first baby tooth on Christmas Eve!